Round One Goes to the Toddler [Ellie]

Yesterday, we started potty training Stephen. It went really well!

. . .For the first hour-and-a-half. And then it fell to pieces.

We were all set. Stephen and I shopped for undies and gummy bears--both his selection. We got home and tried on all 15 pairs: Thomas, Lightning McQueen, Monster Trucks. He loved them! He went potty 3 times in 90 minutes!

After nap, we headed back to the potty. He dutifully sat for several minutes while we sang songs. Nothing doing. I let him off; he ran directly to the corner and peed on the floor.

Eighteen hours, eight accidents, and but two successes later things were looking grim. Stephen still wanted the Big Boy Underpants, but no longer wanted to have anything to do with the potty. I've talked with four different adults now who all had the same message for me: quit now. Try again in a month.

That is exactly what I plan to do.

This was supposed to go so much better.

The potty train has been derailed.

Thoughts on current events [Bryan]

Various tidbits from the political scene, both good and bad:

1. Many of my conservative friends are now excited about Texas Governor Rick Perry, and want him to be our next president. For now, I'll simply point out that, at least on one issue, he seems like something of a moral monster: "He vetoed a bill that would have spared the mentally retarded, and sharply criticized a Supreme Court ruling that juveniles were not eligible for the death penalty." (source)

2. President Obama's health reform initiative had two big goals: increase access to health insurance for those who don't have it and, less well known, decrease federal health care costs. Early evidence suggests already some success on the second front: "Over the year ending May 2011, Medicare claims costs rose at an annual rate of 2.64%, as measured by the Healthcare Economic Medicare Index. That number is down 4.36 percentage points since May 2010, and down 5.53 percentage points since its November 2009 high. This represents the lowest annual growth rate in the six years S&P has been tracking the health care information." (source)

3. NATO involvement in the Libyan civil war appears to at least have avoided the worst case scenario of a long-term stalemate. Still, President Obama's handling of this issue with respect to the War Powers Act, in which he circumvented congressional approval because, the administration said, tactical bombing is not the "right kind" of hostilities imagined by the Act, remains one of the dumbest arguments I've ever heard in politics. (source)

4. The damage done to the economy by the Republican's no-compromise hostage-taking over the debt limit is now becoming evident. Everyone from the rating agencies, like S&P, to Ben Bernake, the Republican Fed Chairman, point to this wild Tea-Party brinkmanship as one important cause of recent economic turmoil (see here and here).

5. Obama's much criticized auto-bailout quietly appears to be one of things keeping the economy from becoming much worse: "Taxpayers bailed out much of the U.S. auto industry. Now the carmakers might be what saves the nation's economy from falling back into recession. After a massive restructuring and several high-profile bankruptcies, a leaner, more aggressive auto industry is making a comeback, hiring workers and ramping up manufacturing plants. From a trough two years ago, Ford Motor Co., General Motors Co., Chrysler Group and other auto companies have added almost 90,000 manufacturing jobs, a 14% increase, according to federal employment data." (source)

6. When people blame Obama for his "out-of-control government spending," I always like to ask them to name the new legislation that has been enacted under the Democrats that increases government outlays. Beyond the 2008 stimulus, which was a one-shot deal and therefore not a driver of future deficits, they can't. The reason: significant new legislation that increases spending does not exist. Current deficits are caused almost entirely by the recession and Bush-era tax cuts.


7. New, peer-reviewed research on global warming is not encouraging: "At last year’s annual American Association for the Advancement of Science meeting, UC Santa Barbara’s William Freudenberg gave a presentation in which he revealed that “new scientific findings are found to be more than twenty times as likely to indicate that global climate disruption is ‘worse than previously expected,’ rather than ‘not as bad as previously expected.’” Yikes. (source)

8. Politifact verifies the reality: "The top 1 percent of all income earners in the United States made 23.5 percent of all income -- more than the entire bottom 50 percent. The percentage of income going to the top 1 percent has nearly tripled since the 1970s. In the mid-1970s, the top 1 percent earned about 8 percent of all income. In the 1980s, that figure jumped to 14 percent. In the late 1990s, that 1 percent earned about 19 percent." Meanwhile, preserving slightly lower marginal tax rates for these wealthy folks seems to be the only major policy goal of the Republican party. (source)

Movie recommendation [Bryan]

I've been meaning to blog about this for some time, but I wanted to recommend the movie, Another Year, directed by Mike Leigh (I was previously unfamiliar with Leigh's films, but apparently he is a big deal among the movie intelligentsia). Warning: The movie is conversation driven, amounting to about 2 hours of talking, so I guess it isn't for everybody. It depicts a marriage, where a husband and wife appear to genuinely delight in their long-term relationship. The movie captures the day-to-day reality of a stable, happy marriage in a completely convincing way. Indeed, what is great is how this movie captures the communicative nuance of everyday life. Every facial expression, every eye movement, every verbal tick, every raised eyebrow is pitch perfect. The movie contrasts the marriage of the main characters, Gerri and Tom, with the storms of loneliness experienced by the people who surround it. It makes you think about the ideas of loneliness and love, where they can be found, what causes them, and how people who experience both love and loneliness affect each other. Highly recommended.

Columbus Reborn [Bryan]

For a long time, I had the sense that Columbus really lacked an identity, or even a sense of place. The city has been disconnected from its past and has been lacking a vision for the future. I can't tell you how many grand landmarks have been torn down, how many businesses have fled downtown, how much the waterfront (the key to a great city) was lacking in character and imagination, and so forth. Columbus, I felt, was a "convenient" city, but that was about all that could be said for it.

In the past few weeks, I've really changed my mind. I've strolled around the newly hip and vibrant Short North District, hung out again at Schiller park in German Village taking in a free play, and marveled at the connection Columbus somehow has with the Royal Shakespeare Company, which produced an amazing kid-friendly (!) production of Hamlet last month. However, the key to the resurrection of Columbus, in my mind, is the new parks downtown. They have really gotten serious about reshaping their public places in the city and it is really paying off. There is now a string of parks along the Scioto River, the "Scioto Mile," all interconnected by bike paths. There is now the biggest splash park I have ever seen, which will draw families back to downtown. There is a new central park in place of the old City Center Mall, Columbus Commons, which comes complete with a carousel, an outdoor library, beautiful gardens, and European-style outdoor cafe. There are pedestrian-friendly bridges linking the east and west banks of the Scioto, meaning that people can easily walk from COSI to downtown (the new Main Street Bridge is the first inclined arch bridge in North America). The central park is linked to the waterfront parks by cobblestone streets and urban gardens. Very cool. Behold a city reborn!

The mind reels [Bryan]

Watching the national debate has been immensely discouraging lately. I will leave Kevin Drum to sum up my feelings:

Republicans got the tax cuts they wanted. They got the financial deregulation they wanted. They got the wars they wanted. They got the unfunded spending increases they wanted. And the results were completely, unrelentingly disastrous. A decade of sluggish growth and near-zero wage increases. A massive housing bubble. Trillions of dollars in war spending and thousands of American lives lost. A financial collapse. A soaring long-term deficit. Sky-high unemployment. All on their watch and all due to policies they eagerly supported. And worse: ever since the predictable results of their recklessness came crashing down, they've rabidly and nearly unanimously opposed every single attempt to dig ourselves out of the hole they created for us. But despite the fact that this is all recent history, it's treated like some kind of dreamscape. No one talks about it. Republicans pretend it never happened. Fox News insists that what we need is an even bigger dose of the medicine we got in the aughts, and this is, inexplicably, treated seriously by the rest of the press corps instead of being laughed at.

Behold, the Pit Master

The ribs turned out well, if you were wondering. They were juicy, flavorful, and nicely smoked. They were fairly tender, but next time I'm going to give them 15 more minutes. Great Father's Day!

West Virginia, Land of Mystery

Last week, we trekked down to Southern Ohio and West Virginia to do some exploring. The main destination was Blackwater Canyon, just outside of Davis, West Virginia. We found West Virginia to be a misty, mysterious place. We traveled mostly along the back country roads, winding their way around hills and over streams, up and down, through the forested mountains and ramshackle villages. Usually, you can only see the road and a few feet off the shoulder into the dense forest. Even at the top of the mountains, when a rare clearing opens up, you see only forested mountains in all directions. In short, one can only see a fraction of the people and creatures that surround you. The landscape is obscured, covered by hills of green blankets, hiding everything below tree line. This is very different from where I have lived. Utah had the mountains but lacked the dense, shrouding vegetation. Illinois and Ohio had the vegetation, but lacked the mountains. These twin disguises, mountains and dense forests, were both present in West Virginia.

The first day we headed off to Southern Ohio, stopping first in Marietta, Ohio, where we decided to take a ride up the Ohio River on the Valley Gem Sternwheeler. The early summer weather was beautiful. The kids loved watching the paddles go round and round. The highlight was when the first-mate let Andrew drive the boat, which he did successfully, without crashes or fatalities. We then headed up OH 26, the "Covered Bridges Scenic Byway" in Wayne National Forrest. The bridges were evocative and cute, surrounded by a landscape of verdant rolling hills. Even more impressive, though, was the drive to New Martinsville, West Virginia, via OH 536. This was rural Ohio at its most beautiful and charming. The gentle hills were partly cultivated, partly forested, dotted with old barns, grazing cattle, and small churches. The road stays pretty high, so we were constantly looking out from ridges over sprawling rural vistas.

After spending the night in New Martinsville (and spending plenty of time in the hotel pool) we headed to Blackwater Canyon. This is where we met the mysterious mountains and lonely back roads of West Virginia for the first time. Blackwater Canyon, we discovered, is a really fun area, with plenty of hiking (much of it suitable for kids), sightseeing, and exploring. The kids enjoyed climbing the various boulders. Stephen became obsessed with waterfalls and cried whenever we would have to leave one. Blackwater Canyon is one of the great gems of the Eastern U.S. landscape, we've decided. Also fun is the nearby town of Davis, West Virginia, which we've heard described as "hip-billy," a fitting description. Davis was a great mix of idiosyncratic eateries (like the Hellbender Burrito place we enjoyed), art galleries, and customary West Virginia ramshackle.

Pictures below:

Captain Andrew

On the Valley Gem, touring the Ohio River

Along the Covered Bridges Byway

Blackwater Lodge

Blackwater Falls (60 feet tall)

Blackwater Canyon (from Pendleton Point)

Elakala Falls

Armed and dangerous

Blackwater Canyon, South End (from Lindy Point)

Rock Climbing, kid style

Agenda for Father's Day [Bryan]

Ellie asked me the other day what I wanted for Father's Day and I basically said that I wanted to have a serious day of grilling. This required (a) buying a new grill and associated implements, and (b) researching the recipes I wanted to master. As you probably know, there is a great debate in the grilling world between gas and charcoal. I went with the charcoal grill. It is true that gas is easier and more convenient. For me, however, grilling is not about convenience or doing something quickly. No, not at all. Rather, it is about taking things slow, making an afternoon of it, and getting the smoke and heat just right. If I want convenience, I figure I can always pull out the George Foreman.

As far as the recipes go, here is what is on the menu for tomorrow (note that our semi-vegetarianism is out the window on Father's Day, as it is, frankly, on most weekends). I've never really grilled ribs before, so that is the main item featured.

1. Gaucho Beef Ribs
2. Steven Raichlen's "First Timer's Ribs"
3. Smoky Grilled Corn with Parmesan Butter
3. Rolls with Raspberry Butter
4. Bacon, Strawberry, and bleu cheese salad
5. Nanaimo bars for desert

About Andrew [Ellie]

One of my first blog posts about 4 years ago was all about Nora. I waxed poetic about what a sweet girl she was, described magical moments with her, pondered her future with excitement and trepidation. As soon as I posted it I knew I needed to post about Andrew. So, in the back of my mind for the past four years, ideas for an Andrew post have been rattling around.



Here's the thing: maybe because of her gender, maybe because she has a generally happier disposition, it has always been easier for me to get along with Nora. Not counting a few months when she was 3, she has not resisted my imprint on her. With just Nora as evidence, I considered myself a good mother.

Andrew, on the other hand, almost immediately challenged my image of myself as a mother. He stopped sleeping through the night around 6 months old when he started to be plagued by ear infections. He cried a lot and was easily frustrated. He hit, pinched, bit, threw toys, and didn't share regardless of the number of time outs I imposed. Where Nora had required almost no parenting to manage her behavior, Andrew didn't even seem to respond when I pulled out every trick I could imagine. I dug into parenting books for more ideas, and for a while even those seemed ineffectual.

These struggles filled my mind as I tried to think of what to write about Andrew. How could I write a post about our challenging relationship? Didn't a post about Andrew need to be every bit as glowing as one about Nora?

Enter four simple ideas, from three different parenting books:
1. Stop comparing your children. They are distinct individuals. (Siblings without Rivalry, Faber and Mazlish)
2. Think about how your personality matches with your child's. (Raising Your Spirited Child, Kurcinka)
3. Use the positive terms for your child's personality traits--your child is persistent rather than stubborn. (Kurcincka)
4. Listen to your children and try to understand how they're feeling. Don't tell them not to feel it. (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, Faber and Mazlish)

As intuitive as these ideas sound, they had a great impact on me. I realized that Andrew had to struggle with aspects of his personality that Nora didn't have to struggle with. Comparing their behaviors wasn't fair. I realized how similar Andrew and I are. We both feel emotions deeply and have to deal with those strong emotions. I recognized Andrew's positive traits--his strong emotions make him a very loving and enthusiastic child, too. My eyes were opened to how often I told Andrew (and Nora) not to feel what they were feeling. As I tried to listen first, they both started to confide in me as they hadn't before.


A breakthrough moment for me in my relationship with Andrew came--unexpectedly--last month as we were watching A Series of Unfortunate Events. The narrator was saying something dry and insightful about how adults never listen to children. Andrew looked up at me and said, "But you listen to me, Mom!" I felt like crying with relief. Yes, sweetheart. I'm trying really hard to listen to you.




Andrew and I still have our ups and downs. Just last night we had a bad down. But I am learning to see and admire the many great things about Andrew.

*I love how eager he is to learn. I remember realizing when he was two that he knew most of the letters of the alphabet, just by hearing me practice them with Nora. He has surprised his teachers by using words like "orbit" and "narrator."

*I love how affectionate he is. He really wants to be held and cuddled. He tells me he loves me.

*He gets really excited about things. A father on his soccer team calls him the Dancing Goalie because when the ball comes toward him, he starts jumping with the thrill that he will get to save the ball.

*He's a whiz at building things. Since he got his Lego set for Christmas, he's figured out to build almost every sort of vehicle there is.

*He has a real desire to be good. He understands rules and why to follow them. He behaves well in preschool and Primary. He is very willing to help me whenever I ask.

Our relationship is not easy, but in learning to understand him, I have come to understand more about myself. Parenting Andrew has made me learn and grow. As he learns to control how he reacts to his strong emotions, I feel so close to him. One more story shows how.

It was the witching hour. I was cooking dinner and all three kids were grumpy and so was I. Everyone was whining. I was stirring dinner with unnecessary roughness. The last straw came when Andrew stepped on one of his toy cars and started howling.

"That's what you happens when you leave toys out on the floor!" I snapped unsympathetically.

Andrew flopped on the couch and cried.

A few minutes later I sensed him next to me and braced myself for his anger.

"I decided to calm myself down, Mom," he said. He gave me a hug and went back to living room to play.

I felt all the tension pour out of me. Somehow the whole evening looked different now.

Andrew is becoming an example to me.

Glad he's gone [Bryan]

I didn't feel any sense of elation at the death of Bin Laden, but I'm glad he is gone. I'm glad he's gone because he was one of history's greatest monsters, that much is obvious. Images of 9/11 are still burned into my memory. I still remember watching the pain in the face of a teenage girl, holding up a picture of her mother who was in World Trade Center, pleading for help.

But I'm also glad that we, as Americans, don't have Bin Laden as an excuse to do stupid things anymore. Here is hoping that, with his death, we return to some semblance of sanity. Too much has happened since 9/11, too much hysteria and darkness on our part, to be elelated. Hopefully the way Bin Laden changed us, the way he turned us into a fearful and cowering nation, ready to sweep under the carpet many of our most important principles, can be reversed over time. Here's hoping.

Saved by forgiveness [Bryan]

Words of wisdom from Reinhold Niebuhr:

Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint. Therefore we must be saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.

Nora's baptism picture [Bryan]

Nora was baptized on April 9th. We all had a wonderful day celebrating Nora and her decision to be baptized. She really is an amazing little person. She is kind and mellow, eager to show love and affection. She has a keen sense of fairness and does not like to leave anyone out. She will often say something like, "You're the best, Mom" and then, when she notices I'm listening too, beams and says, "And you're the best too, Dad." In other words, she goes beyond the call of duty to make sure my feelings aren't hurt and that I'm included in her compliment. Nora is also becoming a somewhat accomplished artist, particularly at portraiture. Her soccer skills are developing nicely. She is great at math and she spells better than I do. We love her so much and are amazed at how well she is turning out, considering she has novice and incompetent parents.

Helping kids ride bicycles [Bryan]

Andrew has been learning to ride a bicycle this week. After going through this process twice now, there are a few things I would recommend.

1. Use a very small bicycle, one that lets the child easily touch the ground. This makes it a much less scary process and gives the child more confidence.

2. Tell the child to wiggle the handlebars around, rather than hold them straight. Sometimes I think kids believe that they have to hold the handlebars perfectly straight, which is not how you balance yourself.

3. Start them off going down a small hill. That way, they can focus on balancing at first rather than pumping the pedals.

4. We tried riding on the grass, but this just made it difficult to balance, steer, and pedal. Just start on the sidewalk or road, that's what I say.

Anyway, I hope this helps somebody, somewhere.

Austerity, shmusterity [Bryan]

There have been many calls lately to immediately cut government spending. Wouldn't our economy do better if the government wasn't spending so much money? Actually, no. There are five countries who have implemented severe "austerity measures" in response to the economic crisis: Portugal, Spain, Ireland, Greece, and Britain. We now have yet more data showing what happens when you cut spending during times of economic fragility: the economy contracts, people are laid off, they stop buying, then more people are laid off, then everyone defaults on their loans, tax revenues plummet, interest rates soar, and the deficit ends up increasing! Long term spending on our aging population is the real problem, not big deficits now during a period of high unemployment.

Business Insider yesterday: "So now we know: Not only does austerity not help the economy, it doesn't even help governments get out of debt, as Greece's and Spain's latest horrific numbers confirm. The governments have been cutting spending, and deficits have gotten worse. So, what's the point of austerity again?"

Wall Street Journal yesterday: "Greece's budget deficit in 2010 was 10.5% of gross domestic product, significantly larger than the Greek government and European Union's forecasts, EU statistics agency Eurostat said Tuesday. Lower-than-expected government revenue was the main culprit behind the larger deficit number."

New York Times a few weeks ago: "In the United States, the debate over how to cut the long-term budget deficit is just getting under way. But in one year into its own controversial austerity program to plug a gaping fiscal hole, the future is now. And for the moment, the early returns are less than promising. Retail sales plunged 3.5 percent in March, the sharpest monthly downturn in Britain in 15 years."

Looks like Keynes was right.

Seems about right [Bryan]

Who is President Obama? Ezra Klein has the answer:

Perhaps this is just the logical endpoint of two years spent arguing over what Barack Obama is — or isn’t. Muslim. Socialist. Marxist. Anti-colonialist. Racial healer. We’ve obsessed over every answer except the right one: President Obama, if you look closely at his positions, is a moderate Republican from the early 1990s. And the Republican Party he’s facing has abandoned many of its best ideas in its effort to oppose him.

If you put aside the emergency measures required by the financial crisis, three major policy ideas have dominated American politics in recent years: a health-care plan that uses an individual mandate and tax subsidies to achieve near-universal coverage; a cap-and-trade plan that attempts to raise the prices of environmental pollutants to better account for their costs; and bringing tax rates up from their Bush-era lows as part of a bid to reduce the deficit. In each case, the position that Obama and the Democrats have staked out is the very position that moderate Republicans staked out in the early ’90s — and often, well into the 2000s.

This seems right to me, and you could point to many other examples, like immigration policy, foreign policy, and educational policy, where Obama leans right of center. This is why the spasm of hatred and vehemence that Obama has brought out on the right has always baffled me. It underscores the point that your politics has little to do with your policy preferences. It is more like a football game, more to do, that is, with whether "your side" is winning or losing.

Creepy Easter Bunny [Bryan]

Via the Daily Dish.

Pictures from London/Oxford [Bryan]

Below are some pictures of our England trip. We had a wonderful time. My highlights:

• Staying at New College, Oxford, and presenting a paper in that evocative intellectual environment (New College, ironically, was founded way back in 1379).
• Seeing all the old churches and cathedrals. Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's were awesome, obviously. The Henry VII chapel at Westminster was particularly beautiful. But even the little church at New College had a charming cloister and a painting of St. James by El Greco.
• Experiencing "Speakers Corner" at Hyde Park. I always wanted to see this famous place. When we went on a Sunday evening, there were about 150 people, broken up into groups of 2 to 10, arguing fiercely with each other about every topic under the sun.
  
• Falling in love with some new, old paintings at the National Gallery. Some new favorites include Raphael's "Portrait of Pope Juilius II," Bellini's "Doge Leonardo Loredan" and Holbein's "The Ambassadors." I also loved Jackson Pollock's "Naked Man with Knife" at the Tate Modern.
  
• Taking an evening walk around "The City," which includes the financial district and some of the most famous streets in the world -- Cheapside, The Strand, and Fleet Street.
• Contemplating the graffiti in the prison at the Tower of London.
  
• Tasting the best roast beef I've ever tasted at Simpson's on the Strand. Even the boiled cabbage wasn't bad (although Ellie suggested the rest of the world should stage and intervention and gently suggest to the English that nobody really likes boiled cabbage).
  
• Staring at Big Ben -- a monument that is more impressive in person than in pictures.
  

Tower bridge

Off to see the crown jewels, housed in this building at the Tower of London.

View from atop St. Paul's, looking down Ludgate Hill.

Millennial Bridge, from the Tate Modern, looking toward St. Paul's

Ellie dressed up for our night at Simpson's.

Trafalgar Square and the National Gallery

Westminster Abby

Some statuary "borrowed" from the Parthenon in Athens at the British Museum

London at night after our ride on The Eye of London.

Ellie is the world's best traveling companion!

Speaker's corner. The man on the right is on his "high horse," dressed in the blue robe and goat horns. Not sure what his message was.

The Gardens at Kensington Palace

The Renaissance statuary at the Victoria and Albert Museum

Buckingham Palace

The Radcliff Camera, at Oxford

The trees associated with Alice and Lewis Carroll at Christ's Church, Oxford.

The Bridge of Sighs, Oxford

The Cloister at New College, Oxford

New College, Oxford

The old city wall and gardens, New College, Oxford

Unholy silence [Bryan]

Ellie and I recently returned from a trip we took by ourselves to England. We saw many great and important things, timeless monuments to human persistence, endurance, and creativity. We saw majestic cathedrals, ancient libraries, sculpted gardens, and brilliant artistic achievements. Nothing was as sweet, though, as returning to embrace an armful of children. To see their little smiles again, their eyes full of trust and delight, their snotty noses, to feel their little arms give me the tightest squeezes they could muster, to listen to their voices rise with excited questions and bubbling curiosity -- I don't know if could ever stand to be apart from them for too long.

And so it was that I read this remarkable essay, by theologian Christopher Pramuk, about losing children when they are young, particularly losing them through miscarriage. I recall that, when Ellie discovered she was pregnant with each of our three children, we often didn't tell people for several months. After all, what if "something happened" and Ellie miscarried? Thankfully, we were spared this ordeal. But it is sad, tragic really, how there is this culture of silence around miscarriage, and heartbreaking how couples are often forced to carry this burden alone.

The essay begins:

Several years ago my younger sister gave birth to a three-pound baby boy stricken with severe genetic anomalies. With sophisticated prenatal testing, she and her husband were about as well prepared for the birth as possible. Their single hope and prayer was that the infant, Jerry, might live long enough—a few seconds, a few minutes—to say hello, as it were, and say goodbye. They wanted to hold him and look into his eyes, however briefly, so that the child might feel and know their love for him. God willing, they would have long enough to introduce him to his two sisters, ages 2 and 4. God willing—the phrase still catches in my throat.

The day came, and we gathered in the delivery room to welcome the baby. With his limbs badly deformed, his breathing labored, Jerry gazed into my sister’s beaming face as she held him against her, crying and smiling. He was beautiful, and for more than eight hours he fought to stay alive. Everyone around the hospital bed held him in turn: parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and his two big sisters, beaming with delight. At last, lying on his mother’s breast, with his father’s hand resting gently on his head, Jerry gave his last labored breath and lay motionless. God, it seemed, had been willing, and a family’s humble prayer had been answered.

Four days later, we prayed at the graveside where Jerry’s body, in a tiny coffin, would be laid in the earth next to his older brother, Jack. Delivered at full-term nine years earlier, Jack was stillborn, the victim of an umbilical cord accident.

Jerry’s death awakened painful memories. My wife and I have suffered two miscarriages. For years I have struggled to reflect prayerfully on these and on my sister’s losses, experiences that have struck me to the core; largely, I have failed. What disarms me still is not just the pain of those losses but the revelation of how many others have been through this. After both our miscarriages it seemed that whenever we shared our news with a close friend or family member, a kind of hidden door opened behind their eyes and words would tumble forth, “I’m so, so sorry.” Long pause. “You know, we had a miscarriage two years ago. It was awful."

Another long pause, “No, we didn’t know.”

And the unspoken question arises, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

In Christian and Catholic circles, a strange kind of silence, an existential and theological loneliness, surrounds these more hidden deaths. Some silences are good, healthy and holy, pregnant with hope and expectation. Something new, something beautiful waits to be born here. The silence following our miscarriages, however, was nothing like this. It felt like loneliness, death, crucifixion. It seemed to mock my wife and me and our desire for life, our trust in its elemental goodness.

Withdrawal [Bryan]

I think I am suffering from Home Depot withdrawal. It seemed like I was living at Home Depot over the last few months as I finished the basement, and now I can't seem to find an excuse to go. I really miss my semi-helpful friends in their orange aprons. Anyone want to give me an excuse to go buy a tool or something?

Happy Birthday ACA! [Bryan]

The Affordable Care Act (aka, "Obamacare") passed last year today -- one of the most memorable days of my political life. Some people may wonder why I cared so much about the health care debate. Here is why:

A year ago, the parents of a little girl in Ohio were worrying that they would soon exceed the lifetime limit on their health insurance. Taylor Wilhite had been diagnosed with leukemia at age 8, and her treatment -- rounds of chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant, long hospital stays -- had been stupendously expensive.

"No one tells you that you have a cap" on coverage, says Amy Wilhite, Taylor's mother. When a social worker warned the Wilhites that they should check, they learned their limit was $1 million. By then, they had spent $770,000. Taylor's father's company managed to negotiate the maximum up to $1.5 million, but Taylor's oncologist said the cost of her care could hit $3 million to $4 million. "I was just frantic," Amy says.

As the cap got closer, the Wilhites began to put off care for conditions that weren't life-threatening, but the bills kept mounting. "The cost of medicine, you just wouldn't believe," says Amy. And hospital room charges -- "you'd think she was in a resort."

The options for people near the limit weren't pretty. Cancel all but essential treatment, scramble for charity care, or contemplate bankruptcy. But then came a reprieve. The health reform legislation, which President Obama signed into law a year ago today, contained a provision that barred insurance companies from setting lifetime limits.

The provision took effect last September, and suddenly, one huge concern was gone. Taylor, now 12, isn't entirely out of the woods; her leukemia is in remission, but she needs continuing care and monitoring, and a hip that deteriorated during her procedures requires that she use a wheelchair to go long distances. But the Wilhites no longer have to worry about hitting the insurance limit -- and, from now on, other people struggling with their own or a loved one's devastating illness won't have to endure the added anxiety that the money will run out.