Rats! I swore to Bryan that my next post would be lighthearted--maybe even funny--but now I have something I just have to get out, and I don't know if it's either of those.
A lot of people asked me, during the year before I sent Nora to Kindergarten, if I was nervous. I admitted it, but when I did, my reasons had to do with fear for her safety or innocence. If I would've dug deeper, I would've realized that one of the things I dreaded most about sending Nora out into the world was that the people out there wouldn't find her as delightful and brilliant as we do.
We just got Nora's report card back for her first term of Kindergarten, and it was a shock to our systems. Not at all what we expected. Her teacher doesn't seem to think Nora's anything special at all. Delightful, but not brilliant. I, being pregnant, cried, and Bryan, influenced by my freakout, suggested we could go together to the parent-teacher conference and explain how since he was a PhD in Education and I was a former teacher, our daughter couldn't possibly be merely average. Her grades were at best a mistake and at worst criminal negligence!
Several days of reflection have calmed us a little. We'll probably leave the weapons (or academic degrees) at home, now. But it still hurts. In some ways it feels like me in my role as a mother that the teacher is rating. It plays to all my current insecurities and adds new ones.
So, at what point does a mother separate criticism of her child from criticism of herself? Does it ever happen? Should it?
[Note: This post started as a response to a thoughtful blog post by a good friend. I miss you, Becky!]
6 comments:
Well we find Nora brilliant, charming, etc. Your post made me smile. We had the dreaded first report card for Sam and then his followup parent teacher conference last week. I insisted Nick come so I didn't fall apart but he wanted to be there anyway. Granted we didn't expect to hear of brilliance but figured we would hear of his comic relief. The upside is that the teacher does adore him and thinks he is great. But his grades were all over the board from unacceptable to grade level. On the flip side, we are used to Dan's report cards. He had as many 4's as Sam had 1's. Heavy Sigh.
A friend of mine told me yesterday that he was in special education until 4th grade. He is now one of the most brilliant students I have worked with. I think Nora will be fine.
-Emily
This post made me smile. Amber has yet to recieve a report card, but I think Ben and I would react in the exact same way.
Well, from what I know of Nora, she is brilliant. As are both of you! And as for the report card, I say you toss that insignificant piece of paper in the trash. :)
Obviously Norah doesn't want to alienate anyone or make them feel bad. Not only is she brilliant but kind and well behaved also. She's just flying under the radar while those kids that struggle get the attention they need.
Perhaps kids behave like light and color does. Rather than glowing from within, they reflect certain colors based on how and when they are shined upon. When in the presence of your love and joy it is no surprise that you are overwhelmed by the colorful ray Nora reflects. This may change in certain contexts when a new source is introduced, but it's always capable of being ignited by a mother's love. That's something to celebrate.
I feel the EXACT same way about Grace. We don't have her first kindergarten report card yet, but I do dread that it won't reflect the brilliant mind she has, her aptitude for learning, or her dynamite personality (or certainly not the fact that we think she's the most amazing thing in the universe.) I also take everything extremely personally. I think a mother always will even when she shouldn't. You're not alone. We would be tempted take our PhD and former teacher abilities to the line too!
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