SUV guilt [Bryan]

So, here is a picture of our new Highlander. It is, without a doubt, the nicest car we have ever owned. It has four-wheel drive, cruise control, a CD player, and all the other little things that most people are used to by now, but are things we've never had.

Ellie loves our new vehicle more than she loves me. My feelings, however, are decidedly more mixed. I have watched the trend toward large vehicles (mainly SUVs) with a mix of horror, amusement, and scorn. Not that I couldn't see the attraction; I've always loved how they look and their versatility proves amazingly useful. But they are more lethal when in an accident, they guzzle gas, and they emit large quantities of CO2. And, of course, they are such a cultural cliche; it is the ultimate statement that you are the Average American.

So, why did I buy an SUV? I had always thought that, if I purchased a large vehicle, it would be a minivan. It would be an act of ironic self-flagellation. With the minivan, I would want everyone to know that, although I was driving a large vehicle, it wasn't because I wanted to be cool; rather, it was simply because I needed the space. The un-coolness of the minivan would make my virtue abundantly clear.

With Ellie's help, I guess I just decided that this attitude was nuts. We need more room. The Highlander gets as good a gas mileage as a minivan (usually better). And to all your treehuggers out there, consider this: If I buy a vehicle with lower higher gas mileage, all I have done is slightly decrease the demand for gas, which lowers gasoline prices, which thereby gives other people a greater incentive to drive. The great scandal among Prius-driving environmentalists is that they are doing nothing to help the environment -- they are just giving other people incentive to hurt the environment (hence the need for social policy solutions rather than personal virtue). In the end, I refuse to buy, say, a hybrid so that everyone else can get cheaper gas. I'm going to make sure we all go down on the sinking ship of gasoline addiction together!

So, to heck with all of you. My transformation into the Average American is now complete, and darn it, I don't care. Come bask in my conformity!