Sunday, June 07, 2009

A Little Better? [Ellie]

A few months ago, I read an article in the Atlantic Monthly by Hanna Rosin called "The Case Against Breastfeeding." I'm sure they chose that title just to be provocative, since its author was, in fact, a breastfeeding mother (eerily, nursing her third and last newborn, a boy--just like mine). Rather than actually arguing against breastfeeding, Rosin was more rebelling against the powerful medical and social coercion associated with it.

I can see why she wants to rebel. Breastfeeding is such a fraught issue. I have friends who can't nurse but dearly want to. I have friends who can but wish they had a reason not to. I have friends who've nursed for years and friends who've nursed for months. I have friends who've gone to extreme measures hoping that nursing would eventually work out and then been devastated when it never did. No matter the variation on this theme, no mother I know has escaped completely unscathed. We are judged if we do (she nursed her kids for how long?) and judged if we don't (she's so selfish).

In her article, Rosin contends that, while recent studies have found only modest benefits, if any, tied to breastfeeding, women are continually bombarded with the message that you are only a good mom if you breastfeed. She is irritated by what she sees as the constant yet unwarranted cheerleading of breastfeeding advocates. Rosin would modify the "breast is best" chant of La Leche-leaguers to "breast is only a little better."

A little better? Well. I'm not here to contest her point. I haven't read the research. She might be right. But I need to believe that the sacrifices I'm making to breastfeed are not just "a little better." For instance, I recently had to turn down the invitation of some friends to go camping because I didn't know how I would manage the breastfeeding issues (To vanish or not to vanish? If not, then I'll have to wrestle with a nursing cover. . .). I've had to interrupt the writing of this blog post on breastfeeding to breastfeed (no lie). I can't really take my kids to the zoo by myself this summer because I don't know what I'd do with my other two in such a vast public place while I breastfeed. Plus the whole nastiness of having to breastfeed in public, period.

Anyway, what I'm arguing for is this: I want to retain my mistaken belief that it is a LOT better to breastfeed. I want Stephen to be healthier, smarter, richer, better looking, and better behaved. I want his guaranteed admission to an Ivy League institution. And for me I want. . .a medal.

But I'll settle for the fact that despite its myriad inconveniences, I kinda like breastfeeding. I love the physical and emotional connection it builds between me and my son. While it might not be as beneficial as I'd like to believe, it still feels like The Right Thing to Do. And I'm a sucker for that kind of stuff.

5 comments:

Brittany said...

I'll go to the zoo with you and watch your kids while you nurse...they even have a nursing room next to the carousel!

xunil2 said...

I hope the pun at the end was unintentional!

Being male, I can't say I truly "get it", though.

Bryan and Ellie said...

Whoa. Last line pun totally unintentional. Don't know how I missed that one. Ew.

Chris said...

Thanks for the post and link to the article. We are going through the same sort of thing with our 6-week old, but this second time around has been a bit better. With our first, we tried exclusively nursing, but Lincoln was so hungry he would just never get enough to eat and it drained every last bit of energy out of Naomi. It only lasted a week or two and I believe it was one of the main causes of the PPD that followed, or at least such a catalyst that it took her out of commission for a couple of months. By the time she felt good enough to try and nurse more, she didn't have the capacity for more than 1 session a day

This time around, we started again with almost only nursing, but as soon as those same signs started creeping back (after just a few days), we went straight to a combination, where we breastfed when we could, but everything else we made up with formula. And now that the somewhat lighter case of PPD is starting to fade, Naomi has been able to pick up the breastfeeding to a more regular pace, but without too much of the added stress. We now nurse mostly because Fiona and Naomi both like it.

I especially appreciate (as the father) the part of the article about co-parenting. One of the biggest stresses about nursing only was that I felt helpless as I watched our child slowly sucking the life out of my wife. Now I can let Naomi sleep uninterrupted at night and have a similar intimacy with our baby.

Sorry for the long comment, but as you obviously know, it's a pretty complicated issue. I wouldn't say our way is the best, but it works best for us, and I'm very glad we found it.

Spencer and Anna said...

Thanks for posting this and chatting with me about it after. :)